By Phoebe Kitanidis

You know you’re special, unique, and amazing—but what if the people around you don’t always see that? What if it sometimes seems like they don’t notice you at all? Well, then…you’re in great company! At some point, even the most confident girl you know has felt unimportant, ignored, or just plain invisible…and we bet it (temporarily) threw even her confidence for a loop! No matter who you are, it’s frustrating and discouraging (not to mention lonely) to feel like people are looking right through you.

One thing’s for sure: Seething silently won’t help people see the real you. Neither will screaming, “Hello! Notice me! I’m here!” Instead, you’ll have to throw off that invisibility cloak and show your true colors. Ready to get noticed for a change? Keep reading…

Generation Invisible

Staci had been waiting years for this! Now that she’s 12, her mom and dad are letting her shop with friends as long as one of Staci’s parents is shopping elsewhere in the same mall. But Staci is beginning to hate talking to salespeople when her parents aren’t around. “When I’m shopping with my friends, we always get ignored, or else they give us dirty looks—even though we never do anything wrong!” she says. “It’s like they’re sure I’m going to do something bad just because I’m a kid!”

Being young can be frustrating sometimes. Not only do you not have the power to make your own decisions, some adults assume you’re not worth listening to—or even worse, that you’re “guilty until proven innocent,” just because you’re a kid! What’s a girl to do?

First, when you’re dealing with adults who look right through you (or who assume you’re up to no good), vow to stay polite and mature no matter what. Look them in the eye and speak in a clear, confident voice. “Excuse me, but I asked for the turkey sandwich, and this is ham,” will get you a lot farther than a mumbled, “Eww, ham is so gross!” The more you act like an adult, the more you’ll be treated like one. If someone does give you the brush-off, though, don’t take the bait. Try to see her perspective: For all you know, that saleswoman who’s dissing you may often deal with kids who are loud, rude…or who might even shoplift. It’s not one bit fair that she’s taking their mistakes out on you, but your only hope of changing her mind is to use good manners. Even if you’re shrieking, “Ohmigosh, would you stop ignoring us, lady?” on the inside, take a deep breath and then get her attention with a calm, “Ma’am, could you help us, please?” Finally, don’t waste your time with those few, difficult adults who just can’t be convinced you’re worthy of respect. If it’s important, you can always return with adult backup.

Maybe It’s Just You

At Fiona’s birthday party, Rachael got sick and had to go home early. The next time their group was together again, all anyone could talk about was the great time they’d had at Fiona’s after Rachael had left. Rachael couldn’t get them to change the subject. Finally, she got so upset that her friends didn’t seem to have missed her that she walked away without even saying goodbye.

Maybe you’ve noticed that Rachael wasn’t necessarily seeing things clearly. When the people you’re closest to don’t seem to be paying any attention to you, it’s easy to jump to conclusions. Maybe they don’t like you anymore. Or they’re mad at you. Or they’re bad friends. But before you go down that road, stop and think. It is your friends’ job to support you, but it’s not their job to make you feel included every second. It’s unreasonable—and a bit selfish, even—to think you should be at the center of every conversation. Ask yourself, “Am I really invisible right now…or am I just not the star of the show?” Remind yourself that it’s okay to take a supporting role sometimes. If you really want to jump into the conversation, ask a few questions about whatever it is everyone else is so excited about. (You may be surprised at how much fun it is to be the one everyone’s telling the story to!)

On the other hand, if you truly believe you’re being deliberately slighted, speak up. Don’t assume your friends will read your mind. Make a clear statement: “I felt kinda left out back there when everyone kept talking about the party I missed.” If there’s a problem, you’ll be able to deal with it. But most likely, you’ll find that the only “problem” was that you were having a super-sensitive moment—it happens to the best of us!—and that you weren’t invisible after all.

Don’t Be a Stranger

Anna was excited about starting a new middle school. But when she first walked through her school’s crowded hallways, that excitement turned to terror…and then, over the next few days, to loneliness. Why wasn’t anyone saying hi or inviting her to their lunch table? Is it my clothes? she wondered. My hair? By the end of the week, Anna was staring at her shoes as she walked the halls alone, convinced that something had to be wrong with her-or that nobody saw her at all!

What really caused Anna’s “invisibility”? Nothing more than the fact that nobody knew her. It sounds obvious, but when people don’t know you, they treat you like a stranger instead of like a friend…after all, you aren’t a friend (yet)! It’s your job to make first contact. You’ve got to get onto people’s radar so they can discover the cool and worthwhile person you are. No one else can make your first impression for you. So…what are you waiting for?

The easiest way to get people to notice you is to notice them first. Make eye contact while smiling confidently, and plenty of people will meet your eyes. That’s your cue to say, “Hey, how’s it going?” They respond, and boom, conversation—you’re on the road to friendship. When Anna realized the classmates she wanted to be friends with weren’t going to approach her (after all, they already had friends!), she gathered up her courage and started talking to random people in her classes. Guess what? It worked. She made two friends by the end of the month.

What if you’re not exactly new, but you want to show an all-new side of yourself? No problem! It’s never too late to make a dazzling impression. The key is in your body language—making yourself and the space around you seem bigger. If you’re used to quietly hanging back, hunching your shoulders, and blending into the woodwork, you may need to practice outgoing body language in front of a mirror to get the hang of it. It may seem silly, but pretend you’re starring in a movie, playing the world’s most relaxed, charming, self-assured girl, someone everyone wants to know. If you stride into a room with your head held high and flashing a thousand-watt smile, we guarantee you’ll notice an instant change in the way people see you.

Remember: The more you reach out to people as your unique, true self, the more people will be able to see the real you…and the less “invisible” you’ll feel.