Three's a Crowd
Dear Ali,
My best friend has another best friend that I don’t like very much. She’s like a leech to my best friend. They just leave me behind, and it’s like my friend doesn’t even care. But when that girl isn’t there, my best friend doesn’t act like that. I’ve talked to her about it, but every time I do she gets mad. What now?
–BUMMED OUT
Maybe you need to take a look at how you’ve talked to your best friend. Be honest with yourself: Were you calm and kind, or angry and accusing? You might want to try one more time, being very careful not to accuse her of anything. Tell her that you just want to understand how she feels because the situation is upsetting and confusing you. Let her know that you’d like to be included when she’s with her other friend. If nothing changes, you might need to accept the fact that you two are not as close as you used to be. Either way, start fi nding some other friends so you’re not so dependent on your best friend—the situation will look a whole lot better!
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Ali’s column appears in every issue of the magazine. She regrets that she cannot answer letters personally.
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Well
I know the type. My friend Sarah..we’ve known each other forever (literally!) and she has a bff called Emily. They’re always whispering and doing that stuff that makes you wanna scream. When it’s just me and her we talk and I can speak to her! When i’m with her and emily its like I’m invisible! What I try to do is always be with her. Be a leech with more glue. Thats pretty much it. —Isabella
Thanks!
I was the person who wrote this and I really appreciate it, that you said that Thank You!
:)
i hope it gets better!:)
Thanks Again!
Hi! it is me agian the person who wrote the ” three’s a crowd” the same thing is still going the same way I feel like my best friend’s friend is trying to ruin the relationship. Next year I am going to a new school so I won’t be able to see my best friend, but my BFF’s friend seems really really happy.But I really don’t like fighting over, my best friend. We have known since we were one literally!But I really want to be good friends with My BFF’s friend.
me too
i feel that my friend emily is stealing my other friend tia and there’s no room for me any more!
i feel the same way
I have the same feeling as you. One day I introduced my bff to my friend and ever since than my friend isall over my bff!! And when shes not around my bff all she does is talk bad stuff about her she always says,”One time ***@&$ was like I dont like %#@!(^%$ and i never want to see her again!’ ( the reason i did @#^#@^(*%# was cuz i dont want to say names!) And I get all mad and change the subject.
i know what you mean
One time i introduced one of my friends to my best friend and then they started paying more attention to each other than to me. But, then i unexpectantly moved to a whole other state, so i dont even know what ended up happening. Then when i visited, they both missed me a lot.
Other point of view
Same for me but its the other way around. My bf’s stealing me away from my friends and i dunno what to do. :(
friends
just speak up to emily and work things out
Hi!!! Listen, try getting
Hi!!! Listen, try getting together with your BFF’s friend and see how things work out. Maybe you’ll have a-lot in common!!!
Macy
BE CALM
Listen,i think ali is right. approach her calmly
reply to:thanks again
thats good for you glad things got better for you!!when they walk off catch up with them it wont hurt they will sooner or later relize your there…..and if you bff was really your bff she would include you!!! dont forget what i said, lh
Understandable!
Totally understand! Its the same girls everytime huh?Ive probably been the “odd out girl” like a million times. What I did? I decided that if me BFF could forget me that quickly then soo not worth it. oh and just a quick tip: never invite three people to UR birthday party. uhhuhh doesnt work out too well. Hope it finally gets better!
Threes a crowd
If i were you i would move on with the friendship. Seriously, if she’s not listening and you are being ditched, just drop it. People aren’t only supposed to be nice hen no one’s around. They are supposed to be respectful always. Its great that you can talk to her when you’re alone, but you should be able to hae a friend that you can talk to always! You shouldn’t want to be friends with someone who clearly doesn’t want to be with friends with you. Let her come crawling back to you instead of the other way around.
heyy i moved 4 states away
heyy i moved 4 states away from my bff when u go to a new school you will be out of this girls way + u can still be close to your bff cuz w/o u there she will relize she cares about you!!!
Me 2
My BFF always hangs out with this rude nasty girl. She always burps and then tells me “Shut up!” even though I din’t say anything. She is one of the least smart people and I’m one of the three smartest people in my class and she says stuff like ” Julia I am so much smarter than you” and “I’m like sooo smart. That test was soo easy! Julia, what’s my score?” and then I tell her her score and it’s like 50% and then she’s like “Shut up! I hate you now give me my real score.” I realy don’t want to have to deal with her anymore. She realy bugs!
~Julia
Whoa! That hurts!
Man, that bites! That happend to me too. You shouldn’t have to put up with that! When that nasty chick isn’t around, try talking to your BFF. Sometimes your BFF might not realize that the the girl she’s hangin’ out with is mean to you. Hope that helps!!!!!!!
My responce ARN
The bestThing to do Julia is talk to a older sibling, consuler, parent.If she ever says shut up say whatever in a nice tone.
She Envys you!
If your BFF’s friend is rude than try talking about it with your friend alone. Mabey she could talk to her about it. You can talk to your friend about hanging out with her at different times. Don’t let her put you down. It’s obvious she envys you, she wants to be you. Best of luck.
Kahina :)
if you want
If you want to save this friendship then you need to do more then talking! Wright her an e-mail, note,or a letter about how you feel. Tell her it’s fine she made new friends but you still really want to be friends with her. If you want, invite her to some activity and also her friend, maybe you three will be the best of friends! I really hope this advice works! Stick in there!
~Lexie~
i know!
i had some experience sorta like that. my friend always tries to be the leader! One time I was captain of the battle book team and that personwas in the team too. I could be the captain, or not be the captain(if i wasn’t the captain the other team member would be the captain). that person asked me to Quit the team so she could be the captain! What type of friend is that? I thought it just was one of her mistakes, but today she tried to take over our history project! we were coloring the poster and she grabbed the pink out of the box and colored swirlies and stuff real hard with the pink! And when I told her that it doesn’t look good, she asked the teacher if it looks good and of course my teacher said yes, because she is supposed to be nice! Every one in my class thinks it wierd but miss I-know-it-all wont change the color of the poster! And she always thinks shes the smartest, and if I ever told her that shes bossy she starts acting like she’s all sad and everything! -so depressed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KINDA SAME
My friends doesn’t try to be the leader. She’s really not a leader she’s a flirt. She’s always flirting with my guy friends. I tell her to please stop but she goes I’m not flirting in a mean tone. But sice she flirts I feel really weird around my guy friends, and that’s basicly all my friends. Well more than half of my friends are guys. How do I get her TO STOP!!??
-Roxy!!!!
There`s A Croud
Hey i really hope you work things out with you
re friend like ask if you can hang out sometime at recess. And if you gyes dont have recess try to get into diffrent classes togtheri hope you gyes work things out
—Caitlin
my use to be BFF
I had a bff but turned out to be not my bff. But the thing is some friends are right for you and some aren’t. I hope it’ll be okay stay strong and stay happy!*
tell me about it!!!
sorry to hear about that. my BFFs and i used to do that but worked out our problems. i know how you feel.
hope you can work it out!!! love- lindsay
WOW!!!!
that really sucks! and ur frend should be with that frend… but u should just tell the friend that u hate that she leaves u behind. talk t othe girl maybe. that mite help. U guys mite have something in common!!!!
From, Girl in Canada
same here
i have been through the same thing. But my friend changed, and so did her other BFF. Now we are a three-some! And i am even closer than ever with my BFFs BFF
same here
the same thing is happening to me!!! but it got better beacause a new girl cam to our class at the begging of hte year and now we’re very close!!!!
I feel sooooooo sorry for you!!!
I feel soooooo sorry for you! Sometimes that happened to me! My best friend is at tomboy and im not, at luch mostly she talks with the other tomboys so i know how you feel! And again i hope you worked out the problom!!!!!!!! Aimee
me 2
i have friends that are just like that but i have a new bff now so it dosent bother me as much (that dosent mean i have forgivin her yet that takes time)
I am in your position
In fourth grade I had two best friends. We were like a roller coaster! One was leaving out the other and then We were never on the same level. Soon we lost almost all trust. Now we just talk sometimes. You have to figure the so called friends you can do with out. You just go home from school and if you wish you could be with that person they really are close.Bye!
Friends being mean!
I know right! My use to be bff was so cantrolling to me and my friends. One day I got fed up with her and said” Brigette. I don’t want to be your friend any more.” She got so mad at me that she some how got a larg group of my friends to hate me. They look at me all the time with bad looks and prank calls at least 5 times a year! But it is getting mellower. ~Haley~
Who are your real friends?
Friends are like weather. They change all the time. I have 2 friends but there is never enough space for all three of us to stay together in the stairs! I am always left out, behind them and they don’t care. They are very competitive too. This happens everywhere I go. Now I wonder who are my real friends or am I just meant to be by myself? - Gabriella
TOTALLY
MY OLD BEST FRIEND EMILY STARTED TO HANG OUT WITH THE BAD GIRLS AND SHE STARTED PICKING ON A GIRL THAT DIDN’T HAVE MORE FRIENDS . sOON SHE STARTED PICKING ON EVERYONE ELSE BUT SHE STILL CLUNG TO ME . SOON SHE MADE RUMORS ABOUT ME ! I CRIED FOR HOURS EACH DAY! MY MOM GOT SO ANGRY SHE TOLD THE COUNCILER AND SHE GOT IN HUGE TROUBLE! SHE STILL IS MEAN BUT I DON’T CARE. I KINDA FELT BAD BECAUSE MY MOM TOLD THE COUNCILER ABOUT EMILY ON HER BIRTHDAY! BROADWAYGIRL
to totally
omg! i’ve been in that situation
work it out
dear haley your friend has nothing better to do maby shes making fun of you because shes jealous and if she turned all of your friends over and made them stop liking you then there not your friends just ignore them and put your self out there try to meet some new people and dont just hang out with people to be cool hang out with people you like even if they are nerds if they are your friends just hang out with them but some times you need to forgive and forget but in this case if she is so mean to you dont talk to her but next you get in a fight with a friend try to work it out or you will lose good friends a lot
that happened to me!
well actually mine was the other way but there is this girl named “C”. all the girls in my class really dont like her and i didnt either and we were all friends. but then i became “C’s” friend and one day they ignored me picked on me and tried to get others to dislike me but i somehow had the popular boys on my side. anyways i did lose a lot of friends but they werent true and i gained a great bff!
Just tell her how you feel
All you have to do is tell her how you feel maybe she will understand trust me this exact thing happend to me before.
From-Morgan
Left out
Sit down and tell your friend how you feel when her other friend is not around.But do not try to brake there friendship try to make friends with the other girl if that doesn’t work try to make other friends to.
I KNOW HOW IT FEELS
My BFF J* always does that to me she is my best friend but every time she does near this girl named M* she acts like I’m invincible and then trys to gang up on me but on the bus together she acts normal like yesturday at last recess they where telling all of the cool girls that they are playing alone together and I can tell that they had something to do with me. Because at that recess I cot them spying on me it realy hurts like you where saying you have to be a leech with glue and J* if you are reading this can you please act like you used to be it’s practicly runing our friend ship.
Love Hailey
AH~GREED
yeah i have the same type of friend i’ve known for 7 almost 8 years! She always hangs out with this other girl and she is my friend but my BFF not so much anymore we still talk but not as much! i fell bad for anyone who has to go through that
♥ MN girly
not my BFF
thats horrible i would tell her that she needs to at least have a day with you or somthing cause why should you be her friend if she dosn’t want to listen to both you and emily i belive her name was!! you should make other friends for back ups just in case she desides that she likes emily better and dosen’t have time for you or her other friends. that may be hard but you don’t somone who hangs out all the time with one person!!!
Trust me!
I know exactly how you feel. The type of friend that says ‘oh i dont like her’ im only her friend so she won’t feel bad. But then she turns around and does the same exact thing! So then you basically get mixed emotions and your not sure if she’s yout friend or not. nut at the same time you want to ditch her, but she’s your best frined. -Natasha
I konw how you feel
I know what you’re saying. My best friend used to leave me out all the time. I would be hanging out with one of our friends and she would come and say stay here i just need to tell her something. I would wait and wait and wait and wait and they never came back. I would talk to my mom about it and my mom could see what was happening. Try talking to your mom about it and remember she’s not your only friend. You can’t always rely on her to be there. My friend realized what she was doing after a while and she ended up crying to her mom about it because she felt like she was losing her best friend. She felt horrible about the whole thing. Maybe your friend will do the same. Best of luck! ♥Ashley
friend
I know how you feel. I have a best friend for life (like a sis) and i’m invisible when that girl is around my bffl !!!
I know the feeling.
That has happened to me last year. All I had to do was go up and talk to her about it. I know that you have heard that before, but that is what you have to do. If she still doesn’t change, then mabey you should try to make more friends. I mean, I am always in the mood for new friends. But I am VERY shy. I made most of my friends by this: Pretend to go to the bathroom or just hang out at your locker for a few minutes until you are sure that most everyone is already in the cafiteria. Then the tables should be mostley full. Go up to someone that you would like to know and ask if you can sit there because everywhere else is full. It works almost every time! Good luck!
—Rachel
SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!
I know how you feel!!!! Just a couple of days ago my BFF dumped me for this girl that doesn’t even like her! I tried to tell her how I felt, but she just wouldn’t listen.
its hard
i met this girl emma randomly through our parents and we became friends.. even tho she’s girly and i’m a tomboy.. then we met up again at drama camp (its a year-long once-a-week course) and it turns out her friends think that she shouldnt hang out with tomboys.. and she didnt stand strong she listened to them and now we arent friends anymore.. it stinks but i dont want to be anybody’s friend who’s going to ditch me just to fit in with a crowd
cale
O_o
I felt so bad reading that…. I’m kind of like that to some of my other BFF’s. Because my bff and I do almost everything together. And I leave the others out. )-: Now i’m going to learn to stop doing that because of this. (-:
Friends
This exact thing is happening to me but it is sooooo compicated. Ive tried being glue, but It is to stressful and it donest work. Ive trid lietting her come to me but it doesnt work. This could be her last her at this school and it feels like someone is ripping me from my best friend. What do I do???
I can totaly agree.
My friend “A” has a cousin “C” and “A” acts like me and our other friends don’t exist when “C’s” there. they are ALWAYS talking about things they did together and it drives me insane! when “C’s” not there “A’s” nice. But when “C” comes around i don’t exist. i don’t know why my other friends and i don.t matter when “C’s” around. I guess she can only have her attention on 1 person @ a time. - Haley
Me too!
Me too. My bff has another bff that she always hangs out with. I have know my bff forever too. She came to my school 2 years ago and I was SOOO happy to have her come. It felt great to have my other friends meet her but one of them stared to hang out with her a lot. I didn’t mind at first but now I feel left out. They have cool nicknames for each other but I got to know other girls REALLY well when they hang out. She is always going to be my bff but I like meeting new friends ~Olivia
Hey Isabella!
It looks like you have a problem,but you can still fix it.Try talking to her about it and telling her how you feel.Make sure you don’t sound as if your accusing her of anything,because that could make her mad.Tell her your feeling left out and that she doesn’t act like herself when she’s around emily. Being a leech with more glue won’t help much,in fact it might even irratate her and make her angry thinking that your clinging onto her. You have to tell her how you feel.
reply to well
I diagree. Don’t be a leech with more glue. That will just get your friend thinking that you want to fight over your friend. Then it will lead to hurt feelings and put pressure on the girl who is your friend. It will will make her feel like she has to choose between the two of you. I think that the best thing to do is not try to fight over her, like when your other friend is hanging out with her don’t go over and start trying to play with them all the time. That’s all I have to say.
Forgive and Forget!
I know haw you feel! Maybe if you get to know your friend’s friend better you’ll like her too! I had that trouble too! My ex-BFF who is just my friend now had another friend who always hogged her! i didn’t like her either! But then I got to know her more and now she and two more people are the best BFF’s a person could have! But if you get to know her and don’t like her just ignore her! I did the same thing for a while! Changing the subject now! About your so called BFF, if you’ve tried talking to her about how you feel and how she acts around her other friend and she doesn’t even care that is not a true friend at all! That is what you call a backstabber! It said so in the November Magazine! Try again and talk to her but if she doesn’t listen still, get a new BFF! She is not what you thought! I actually need to take my own advice! But listen to me… please, and take my advice! You will be glad you did! There is plenty of other people around and when you are in Middle School or if you already are there is a ton of other people who are really nice and can be your BFF! Trust me! I had the exact same problem! AS i said before take my advice and you will regret it if you don’t!
Sincerely, Cheerleader15
Twins
Omigosh! I have the same problem! Don’t try to follow them around and stuff… if they go do their own thing, then just do YOUR own thing. They will come to you when they realize your not right there playing with them! I tryed it and it worked pretty well ! And if all else failes, when you are with your friend alone, talk to her about it! If she’s any kind of friend, she will understand and try to change it. Sometimes people dont realize what they’re doing, and it ends up being the wrong thing. Hope it works!
Same!
Well i have the same problem! My friends are all in a different class this year and they met this girl that made up this group name and im never invited to there partys or anyhthing so what i did was make friends in my class and now i have best friends in my class! What i can say is TAKE A CHANCE AND MAKE NEW FRIENDS! I DID!
that's just rude!
i can’t believe someone would do that!! i know how ya feel, girl- one of my friends used to have a friend that my other friend nor i liked very much. she just clung to her- and almost broke our friendship! but, lucky for me, my friend realized that she didn’t like the girl either- so she simply told her, ”stop bothering me and my friends. im not going to talk to you unless neccesary.” she kept bothering my friend- and now, my friend’s mom comes to our classroom each day to make sure that ”she” isn’t bothering us! sorry that was so long, but i hope that it helped!!
Thanks
This really helped thanks!
that's just rude to me, too!
I know that you are saying that you should try to talk to someone, but I’m the person that is clinging to another friend. My first best friend gets on my nerves a lot, and so I hang out with my new BF to make her jealous. But now that I hang with the new BF a lot, I’m sort of drifting away from my old one, and on to the new one. It’s not that I don’t like her, it’s that I like my new BF a lot better!
~an annoyed teenager~
i've had friends band me too!
there was this girl in my nieghborhood, we were like BFFs until another girl literelly ‘took’ her away from me! And know all she thinks about is that girl. She doesn’t even ‘look’ or say ‘hi’ to me. I’m so upset! ‘I some-times even cry’ [this has been go’in on for
‘WEEKS’ and ‘WEEKS’!
* :( :( *
friend with a friend u dont like
talk to her.when she gets mad just tell her to calm down.try to be friends.all three of you.if that doesnt work,tell your friend what you think.
me too
Oh my gosh that is happening to me too I have a really good friend she is clung to my other bff she is also being mean it makes me feel like i could scream i just let it all out to my pillow like this one time i screamed and hit my pillow it really does help hoped i helped LOL ~me too~
already been taken care of
its been taken care of- if my friends mom spots ”her” bothering or talking about us, shell go up to her and scold her. believe me, i know! shes nice, but canb be strict
same
yeah same here
Similiar BFF
I go to camp every year with my bff, though we always go with some other friends. My bff will only hang out with one person at camp. One year, it was her other bff, I felt so left out. Once, we were walking and I was talking to my bff, in the middle of the conversation she leaves me and starts holding hands and talking to her other bff. I like my friend a whole lot, but she always makes me feel left out too.
TORN
your friend is torn between you two.my friend is torn between the popular and the normal.She hangs with us and then goes to them. The thing you can do is make a new friend. Your freind will still be your friend but everyone has to move on. You need to realize evan if it was rude you don’t have to be a third wheel. Hang with someone that is cool and likes you. But remember this too you don’t have to like your friends choice.
I go home crying
I introduced my friend to my BFF and now my friend clings on to my BFF. :( Like last month I was trying to tell my BFF how I felt. My BFF and I were walking and talking. So my friend came and pushed me away to get to my BFF. Thanks to my “friend” I broke my leg. When it happened My BFF tried to run over and help me.My “friend” said “Oh we don’t need that stupid girl on the ground.” My BFF and I broke the relationship withmy “friend.” I felt better after that.
my friend did that to me
this is great adive and i learned the hard way to!! having more than that friend really brightens your world!!!
I can TOTALLY relate
OMG me and my friend have gotten into a fight that lasted 2 months because…. Well I became friends with my BFF’s other BFF. Then we got into a huge fight. It happened again, but it only lasted a day. Just hang in there and keep telling her how it feels to be on your side.