Dad's Sport
Dear Ali,
For my vacation next year, I have to go to a golf clinic in Australia. We play every day for four weeks. It’s not really a vacation for me. I’m good at golf, but I don’t have a passion for it. My dad has been forcing me to play since I was three. One day, he asked me what activity my heart is in. I was too afraid to let him down because he loves it so much. Golf clinics like the one I’m going to cost a lot of money. I’m 11 and I’ve kept this secret to myself for so long. How can I say no?
–SECRET KEEPER
Oh, wow—what a tough situation! No wonder you’re nervous about telling your dad how you feel; obviously, this means a great deal to him. However, you really do need to tell him the truth, since it’s not fair to either of you to go on like this. If it’s easier, try talking to your mom or another adult you trust first. And look at it this way: Your dad did ask you where your heart lies, which means he understands that you may not love the game as much as he does. It’s also possible that you just need a break. You might have a lot more enthusiasm for golf after some time away from it, especially if you don’t feel like you’re being forced to play.
112 comments
Send to Friend
Printer friendly versionThree's a Crowd
Dear Ali,
My best friend has another best friend that I don’t like very much. She’s like a leech to my best friend. They just leave me behind, and it’s like my friend doesn’t even care. But when that girl isn’t there, my best friend doesn’t act like that. I’ve talked to her about it, but every time I do she gets mad. What now?
–BUMMED OUT
Maybe you need to take a look at how you’ve talked to your best friend. Be honest with yourself: Were you calm and kind, or angry and accusing? You might want to try one more time, being very careful not to accuse her of anything. Tell her that you just want to understand how she feels because the situation is upsetting and confusing you. Let her know that you’d like to be included when she’s with her other friend. If nothing changes, you might need to accept the fact that you two are not as close as you used to be. Either way, start fi nding some other friends so you’re not so dependent on your best friend—the situation will look a whole lot better!
Neatness Counts!
Dear Ali,
I share a room with my six-year-old sister. Every day when I come home from school my room is a mess! Books, socks, and papers are strewn everywhere! Every time I talk to her, it only gets better for two days and then I end up cleaning up the mess again. It’s not fair!
–So Annoyed
Since talking to your sister didn’t work, it’s time to talk to your parents. But before you do, try to come up with a plan to solve the problem. (Otherwise, they might think you’re just trying to get your sister in trouble.) Keep in mind that kids respond best to positive comments, so telling your sister how wonderful she is whenever she puts something away will work better than yelling at her. Maybe you can work out a plan to reward your sister by putting a gold star on a calendar every day you come home to a neat room. After five gold stars, she gets a treat…maybe even some special time with you? And be patient—she will grow up!
Bad Boy Friend
Dear Ali,
I’ve been BFFs with my guy friend since birth. But ever since he started hanging out with his new popular jock friends, he’s been acting like a total jerk. And the popular guys don’t even like him! I try to tell him they’re no good, but he just gives me a look and walks away. He told me, “I don’t need your help anymore. You’ve turned into a nerd.” I wanted to cry. I can’t even explain how much he means to me. Help!
–Not a Nerd
It sure sounds like your friend is the nerd for ditching you! Unfortunately it also sounds like he’s not willing to listen to anything you have to say about his new “friends.” Since you can’t change him, your best bet is to let him know that you still want to be friends and you’ll be there if he changes his mind. Then go out and find some new friends. Maybe he’ll come to his senses and maybe he won’t. Either way, you’ll know that you did the right thing for you, and stayed true to your friendship, too.
Mad at Mom
Dear Ali,
My mom is always comparing me to other girls. She says things like, “Why can’t you be organized like May?” and “Why can’t you be athletic like Sarah?” She never says anything good about the things I do. I feel like she cares more about my friends than me.
–Imperfect
No doubt your mom just wants to encourage you to be the best you can be and doesn’t realize how much her comments hurt your feelings. The only way she’ll understand is for you to—yup, you guessed it—tell her. It’s not always easy having these conversations, but it is always worth it. Pick a quiet moment, and be sure you know ahead of time exactly what you want to say. Talk calmly about how you feel, not about how unfair she is. (“I feel bad when you compare me to my friends,” and “I wish you’d notice the good things I do,” not “You like my friends more than me!”) Do your best to really listen to what she has to say, too. If she still doesn’t seem to get it, enlist the help of another adult, and try again.
Write to Ask Ali
Have a problem?
Ali’s column appears in every issue of the magazine. She regrets that she cannot answer letters personally.
archive
Baffled by Boys
"No boys like me!" How should she deal? Read more »
Lose…or "Weight"?
I'm overweight, and lots of people tease me about it... Read more »
Cheat...or Tell?
There is this cute popular boy who sits beside me. Sometimes he looks off my paper when he doesn't know how to do his work... Read more »
