Discovery Girls

Here are 9 tips to help you gain confidence--just in time for the new school year!

by Phoebe Kitanidis

Have you ever known a girl who’s just bursting with confidence? Who glides through every room with her head held high? Here’s the real question: Would you like to be that girl?

Guess what? The building blocks for your very own tower of confidence are right there in your hands. It takes some effort, but if you follow the suggestions on these pages, you will grow more sure of yourself. You’ll feel more comfortable dealing with the world, speaking your mind, and making your dreams true. Remember, to accomplish great things, you have to believe in yourself—and that’s what self-confidence is all about!

Tip #1: Get the 411. You know that girl in class with the blank look—the one who’s always asking, “Um, what are we supposed to be doing?” Don’t be her. Instead, be the one with the answers. Find out ahead of time whether that essay should be typed, exactly what you’ll need for the camping trip, and which math problems your teacher wants finished by noon. When you’re fuzzy on the details or your teacher’s expectations, any moment can turn into a crisis…so stay serene and in control by being prepared!

Tip #2: Show off your style. Ever notice how some clothes just make you feel more like yourself…while others never feel quite right? Maybe you feel shinier when wearing sparkly earrings, or more in charge sporting boots that make a satisfying stomp. Whatever your unique style, wear at least one item each day that makes you feel wonderful.

Tip #3: Follow through. The concept is simple: If you commit to something, do it. But sometimes it gets a little tougher than that. What if a friend asks you to do something, but for some reason, you don’t think you’ll be able to come through? Be honest with her. Saying no to a friend is never easy, but it’s better than making promises you can’t keep. By the way, following through is even more important if the person you made a promise to is you.

Tip #4: Develop your talents. Everyone is good at something…what’s your special talent? Maybe it’s fixing things, or designing awesome outfits, or writing poetry. Make time each week for one of your talents. It’ll be worth it to hear yourself play a smokin’ set on the guitar or feel the thrill of placing first at a swim meet. And the best part of all is that as you sharpen your skills, your confidence will grow, too.

Tip #5: Be an optimist. If your best friend says she’ll give you a call after gymnastics but then doesn’t, you might: a) wonder why she’s mad at you or, b) figure she’s probably just exhausted after all those back-handsprings. If you picked b, congratulations! You’re an optimist—someone who tends to look on the bright side instead of assuming the worst. Negative thinking can sap your confidence by making you doubt everything—your friends, your family, even yourself! If you find your outlook clouding over, ask yourself if there’s any real evidence that something is wrong. Is there any reason you shouldn’t assume the best? Even if the answer turns out to be yes (and it rarely will!), you’re more likely to solve problems successfully with a positive attitude.

Tip #6: Plug yourself into a cause. Find your higher purpose: Join forces with a group or organization dedicated to something you believe in. Whether you’re volunteering at an animal shelter, teaching kids to read, or walking to raise money for medical cures, the strength of your beliefs will make you light up with confidence. So will learning new skills and working with new people—all while making a difference you can be proud of!

Tip #7: Think before you speak. Sometimes it’s hard to resist acting on impulse—it’s almost like trying not to scratch an itch! But letting your gut reactions rule you can be like having a three-year-old in your head making your decisions. How to get back in control? Slow down. The next time you feel that powerful urge to say or do something you’re not sure is smart, take a few moments of silence (or slowly count to 10). Then choose your words calmly and carefully.

Tip #8: Surround yourself with allies. Have you ever had a friend who made you see yourself in a whole new light? Maybe you acted bolder and wittier around her…or maybe she made you feel nervous and unsure. Either way, the people you let into your life are bound to influence you—they can sink you with their doubt or lift you up with their support. So hang out with friends who admire you as much as you admire them. Surround yourself with supporters!

Tip #9: Fake it. Yes, you read that right. No matter how self-assured you become, no human being feels confident all the time. We’re bound to face moments—days, even—when we look in the mirror and all we see is a zit the size of California. Actually, those are the times when it’s most important to walk tall and keep your chin up. Remind yourself that it’s normal to have some low moods. They’re just moods…and they pass (thank goodness!). So take a deep breath and…onward!

When you first start building up your confidence, it might feel like you’re faking it all the time, but that’s only natural. You’ve probably heard someone say, “Fake it till you make it.” The amazing truth is that acting confident can make you feel confident—and so can the reactions you get from other people. So even if you are faking it at first, you’ll soon inspire yourself to the real thing. One day you’ll wake up and realize that little by little, you’ve developed real self-confidence. You’ve turned into that girl who’s unshakeable and unstoppable. So hey, confident you! How does it feel?!